How does Mentoring work?
Dr Kausthub Desikachar with his father and mentor, Sir TKV Desikachar. 2005
Mentoring is central to Yoga. This is made so clear by Patañjali, the foremost teacher of Yoga and the author of the Yogasūtra, when he states in the very first aphorism that Yoga is an anuśāsanam. Anuśāsanam is a technical term referring to teaching that is learnt, practised and regularly supervised under a qualified preceptor, a well-intentioned mentor.
A mentor shares information about their own spiritual path with a mentee (or protege) and provides guidance, motivation, emotional support, and role modelling. A mentor may help explore potentials, set goals, develop practises, and identify resources that the mentee must embrace and put into practice for their own personal evolution.
In the Yoga tradition, the student approaches the teacher, offers their commitment to learning and asks to be accepted as a pupil. The teacher may then put forward their own expectations from the student. When the teacher is satisfied that the mentee is clear of these expectations and has a reasonable faith that they will fulfil them, the relationship begins.
Traditionally, in Yoga, a student only chooses to work with one mentor long-term rather than select multiple instructors. This is because mentoring only works when there is a trusting, long-term relationship between the mentor and the mentee. Hence, the mentoring relationship, much like other long-term relationships, need not always be easy but must be sustained through openness, patience, and a connection based on faith and conviction. The mentor must verify whether a mentee is already working with another teacher. If the student is still working with another mentor and is seeking to change their mentor, then permission must be sought from the previous mentor.
The mentor and mentee must meet regularly based on the frequency needed in the current context. Sometimes these meetings can even be a few times a week, while it could be less frequent at other times. Irrespective of the frequency and duration of these meetings, what is essential is constant contact and open communication so that the mentor is always aware of the mentee's progress.
The mentor must consider both the short-term and long-term goals of the mentee. Based on the most critical priority, the teacher must evolve strategies to address them and teach them to the student. These strategies can include (but are not limited to) personal practice, lifestyle alterations, change of attitudes, meditation and reflective exercises, among other approaches. The protege must commit to implementing these suggestions and report to the mentor frequently on their progress.
Each mentoring relationship is unique, as each student is unique. Also, both mentor and mentee are constantly transforming, and hence the form of the association may also witness changes. Therefore, the mentees must not compare their relationship to their mentor with those shared by other mentees. The mentor, in turn, must also not compare students and favour one more than the other.
A heart-to-heart connection is what sustains this sacred relationship, and it is something each mentor and mentee must work toward developing and maintaining. It must not be an emotional association based on attachment or fear, but instead on a connection to each one's dharma (life-purpose), self-confidence and a commitment to learning and transforming into the best version of ourselves. Such a connection often opens the door of vulnerability, and hence care must be taken so that there is no exploitation from one side or the other.
In Yoga, it is also imperative that both the teacher and the student be engaged in their personal practices to protect the relationship and offer the space and opportunity for continuous growth, rather than stagnation of either party. The practices are the support system that can provide stability and clarity during turbulent times for either or even during challenges that may arise out of the relationship.
Confidentiality is another important aspect of the mentoring relationship. All discussions between the mentor and mentee must remain confidential and not disclosed to anyone outside of the relationship. This is critical as confidentiality forms an essential ingredient of trust, vital to sustaining any long-term relationship.
Clarity over financial obligations must also be discussed openly and leave no room for ambiguity.
It is also critical that the student remembers, and is reminded by the mentor, to not put the teacher on a pedestal. Rather, to remember, and be reminded, that the teacher too is a human who is fallible, and is also on their own journey of constant self-reflection and self-improvement. It is also imperative that the relationship does not promote dependency, but rather allows for independence.
A code of ethics must be set that sets the scope and boundaries for the mentoring relationship. This must be adhered to by both the mentor and the mentee.
Before seeking out a mentor, ask yourself the following questions!
1) Am I seriously in my personal growth and evolution?
2) Am I willing to be open to mentoring through a long-term relationship with a mentor?
3) Am I really ready to look inward, take responsibility for my growth and start making changes to my life?
4) Am I willing to commit to practice and make changes to my lifestyle and diet if needed?
5) Am I willing to take responsibility for the choices I have made in my past, and those I will make in the future?
6) Am I willing to look into my own demons and shadows, and seek ways to transform them into light?
7) Am I willing to act independently and not become too dependent on a mentor?
8) Am I having the resource of time and money to engage in a meaningful mentoring relationship?
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