Dr Kausthub Desikachar’s letter to his mentees!

Dear Mentee,

I am so happy to receive your request to seek my mentorship. I want to share with you what I normally send to all my students in such a moment when they request to be my student.

Generally, at this stage in my life, I only want to work with mentees who are serious about their journey. There are a few expectations I do have from my mentees. I will list them below, and you can see if you find them amenable to you.

First and foremost, the mentor-mentee is a divine relationship and one that is based on a deep heart-to-heart connection. This means it will get very personal, and hence also a field for openness and vulnerability. It is more profound than the normal client-service provider relationship. Not many are open to such a deep relationship these days.

Secondly, to make this more meaningful, it is customary in our tradition that there is only one mentor that each mentee studies under. This will avoid confusion and make the connection more sacred. If you are currently working with someone, I would require you to seek permission from them, before beginning our new journey. This would make it more karmically clean.

Thirdly, this proximity can bring many challenges that can affect both parties. Like all relationships, the mentor-mentee bond can also bring conflicts and even profoundly meaningful moments. We can't have one without the other. I prefer to work with those who are willing to work through these challenges, rather than run away and complain.

Fourthly, I would like my mentees to have regular meetings, based on mutual convenience, to update progress and offer suggestions and suitable practices that fit the current context. Typically, this involves a commitment of time and money, which the mentee must be willing to make. I see the commitment of these resources, not as costs, but rather as an investment, the mentee is ready to take on themselves.

Finally, I like my mentees to commit to their practice, as without that, there is no magic pill for transformation. There is no point for a mentor to offer guidance and practices to students, who are unwilling to implement these in their lives. The mentee must understand and take full responsibility for their healing or personal evolution.

All these apart, I expect my mentees to treat me like a normal imperfect human being, rather than a guru on a pedestal. I am a human first and foremost, and I have not yet met any perfect human. I may be ahead in the learning curve, but I am nowhere close to being enlightened. So I do wish for my students to accept me like that. Otherwise, it won't be useful for either party.

Think about all of this and let me know what you feel and whether these things are acceptable. If they are, we can proceed :-)

Kind regards

Kaustubha Desikachar

Last edited January 2022